Item: The Last Days of American Crime
Rating: 2
Author: Matt Rooney

Last Updated on July 30, 2021

Story: Set in the not-too-distant future, the American government is about to send out a signal — called the API — that will stop people from committing any crime or any wrongdoing across the nation. As a last-effort to pull one massive crime, three criminals come together to pull off the ultimate heist before crime itself becomes extinct.

Review: We're living in an age where the bounty of endless, streamable content is a treasure trove during a unique period that’s driving our need to waste time more than ever. But no matter how deep your desire to make the days go by as quickly as possible with little regard for how you do it is, there's no reality where I can recommend you do so with Netflix’s latest add on to its massive pile – THE LAST DAYS OF AMERICAN CRIME. What could’ve been simply a forgettable, possibly even entertaining, 90-minute action-driven time waster was instead bloated into something that tries to be so much better, and in the process commits a series of cinematic crimes that result in it being so much, much worse.

The largest shame comes in the form of how the timely premise – which involves the American government on the verge of launching a mind-controlling program that stops people from committing a crime – is instantly squandered. Beginning right as our lead character – Graham Bricke (Edgar Ramirez) – as about to burn a rival criminal alive in a bathtub, director Olivier Megaton wastes no time in establishing his grotesque, crass, charm-less approach. Corny dialogue is spat back and forth, self-seriousness is mistaken for style, and Bricke – who was likely described as the “strong, silent” type in the script – has already reached the limits of what characterization he’s given. And that’s all with a flat-out irresponsible runtime of 140+-minutes left to go, which I can only imagine was allowed to happen with the editor held at gunpoint.

Soon Bricke, so stoic after learning about his brother’s death in prison, meets Shelby (Anna Brewster, and probably described as “badass” or “one cool chick” in the script) and Kevin (Michael Pitt, and almost certainly described as “Kid Rock minus the goatee”) who rope him into a chance at revenge in the form of a heist of the government’s money. Written by Karl Gajdusek based on the comic from Rick Remender and Greg Tocchini, that concept mixed with the setting seems like ample room for something energetic, fast-paced, and with a little socially conscious subtext laced in. But none of that ever comes to life, and as they begin to plot and plan, not even the basic concepts of how heist movies work makes it to the screen. As the plotting starts going down, diagrams are simply laid out so Kevin says “Here’s where this is, and what we want is here,” with little rhyme or reason to explain how these three – the expertise of which practically never established – so easily formulate their plan on how to break into a heavily guarded facility. It’s a heist movie, and so little of Gajdusek’s script actually works in how the heist is meant to work.

Instead, most of the time is spent focusing on the myriad of other side characters, most of whom end up being pointless by the end. In this very near alternate future, we’re placed in an America taken over by crime and poverty, taking place specifically in Michigan, even though it’s filmed as though it’s in southern California. Criminals are everywhere as vandalism runs rampant, people are shot in the street, cops are more crooked than ever, and women take to stripping on top of cars for trashy men to ogle. In focusing so heavily on the backstabbing and attempts at drama between all the criminals on screen, we’re perhaps supposed to be told a story about the age of crime on the brink of extinction, the bad guys doing what they can for self-preservation with what little time they have left. Again, not a bad approach, but the sluggish pacing and the cavalcade of one-dimensional characters spewing cliched dialogue makes every second a mind-numbing bore, to the point whereby the end (after almost two-and-half hours!) you’re likely to forget who’s who, how we got here and why any of it mattered – if it ever did at the start.

Megaton, known for action flicks like COLOMBIANA and the last two TAKEN films, can’t even manage to execute what’s he’s somewhat good at. It takes trudging through well over an hour of brainless exposition and sex scenes (filmed with as much passion and visual style as a high-budget porno) for anything even remotely in the way of action to happen, only for it to be executed with a formulaic approach that hardly distinguishes itself from other bargain bin action flicks. Messy shootouts and a car chase are less a satisfying helping of excitement and more a disappointing teaser of something that never comes. The lack of anything engaging is made all the worse by the runtime (two-and-a-half hours!), with the first big action scene coming over an hour in – when the movie should be nearing the end – with the more coming 30 minutes after that to lead into a finale that stretches itself an additional 30 minutes too long.

Maybe this would all be worth it if the talented cast had anything worthwhile to do or any place at all to take their characters. Ramirez, who has proven through his work in projects like CARLOS and THE ASSASSINATION OF GIANNI VERSACE how tremendous an actor he is, is given nowhere to take Bricke. His character is constantly morose and never speaks about anything other than the plot in front of him. Whatever depth he has is beaten down by the superficial attempts to make him the atypical, cool action hero, which is an utter waste for the actor and the movie that has him in every frame. Brewster’s Shelby has the most compelling character arc, but the movie’s clearly misogynistic approach means she’s referred to mostly through derogatory slurs and is used more for sex and physical attacks than her hacking gifts in relation to the heist. As for performances, Pitt is the only one who makes the runtime seem minutely bearable, going gonzo with his character to make scenes range from bizarre to so-bad-it’s-funny. Oh, and another talented actor, Sharlto Copley, is here as a police officer who is clearly redundant by the end, and who hardly ever gets the decency of having lines.

There’s a smart movie deep, deep inside here, but neither Megaton or Gajdusek possess any of the nuance needed to bring it out. So, what we get across the movie’s egregious runtime (two-and-a-half hours!), whatever semblance of a compelling premise, relevant themes, or even a fairly decent action movie is beaten down into a meandering, boorishly executed and, worst of all, a painfully boring test of patience. You may still be curious about tuning in anyway, but I assure you, given what's on the market there are great many more ways to waste your time, and even better ways to waste it with something awful.