Movie Jail: This week's defendant is...Chris Hemsworth!
This is Movie Jail, a unique maximum security prison that houses some of the worst writers, directors, actors and producers from Hollywood and beyond. Their crimes? The offenses vary from convict to convict but most of these inmates have contributed negatively to the film world to some capacity* and his or her misdeeds have covered a long enough period of time that the authorities had to intervene. In each column a defendant is put on trial, arguments are made, and then it is up to YOU, the jury, to decide if the person is guilty or not guilty of crimes against cinema. Their lives are in your hands, dude.
The Prosecution: In the Heart of the Sea, Vacation, Blackhat, Snow White and the Huntsman, Red Dawn, Ca$h
Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, although Chris Hemsworth has become a well-known actor since being tapped to play Thor, he really hasn't had that much success outside of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Avengers: Age of Ultron may have done well critically and financially, however Mr. Hemsworth's other 2015 releases, Vacation, In the Heart of the Sea and Blackhat, scored mostly mixed-to-negative reviews, and the latter two also underperformed at the box office.
Mr. Hemsworth wasn't the reason why those films failed with critics and in theaters, but he isn't the strongest of actors, and it certainly showed in Blackhat. There are many who think the Thor movies are the worst in the MCU, and some feel his portrayal of the Asgardian warrior is bland and boring. Mr. Hemsworth also doesn't have a great eye when it comes to picking movie projects. It remains to be seen how his Snow White and the Huntsman spinoff and Paul Feig's Ghostbusters will turn out, but people definitely aren't high on either upcoming film.
The prosecution isn't calling for a lengthy Movie Jail sentence for Mr. Hemsworth, but he should spend a minimum of three months in prison for his limited acting abilities and questionable film roles.
The Defense: Avengers: Age of Ultron, Thor: The Dark World, Rush, The Avengers, The Cabin in the Woods, Thor, A Perfect Getaway
Ladies and gentlemen, while it's true that several of my client's movies (where he's not playing Thor) have left a lot to be desired, the defense doesn't think he deserves imprisonment. His Marvel role may have made him a star, but unlike his fellow main Avengers actors, Mr. Hemsworth was virtually unknown before being cast as the comic book character, which may explain why he's had trouble breaking out on his own.
But it's not like Mr. Hemsworth has been slumming it in generic rom-coms and action flicks. Blackhat and In the Heart of the Sea were both by established and accomplished filmmakers, and it could be argued that his was simply miscast in Michael Mann's movie. My client isn't the greatest actor in the world, however he did receive praise for his performance in Rush, and seems to have a knack for comedy.
Mr. Hemsworth's filmography is pretty hit-or-miss and he may lack range as an actor, but my client still has a very bright future ahead of him, and we should give the him a few more chances before sending him to Movie Jail.
What should we do with the hunky Marvel actor? Do we need to put Mr. Hemsworth behind bars, or is it still too early in his career to lock him up? Is Chris Hemsworth GUILTY or NOT GUILTY?
*The cases for and against a defendant going to Movie Jail by the author are not necessarily his views and opinions but they are some of the beliefs that one would use to effectively make an argument for both sides. Not quite a devil's advocate but you get the point. Anyway, this is all in fun so don't take it too seriously. We have a separate jail for those people called "Troll Tower" and believe me you do NOT want to go there.
WHAT SAY YOU, GUILTY OR NOT?
LAST WEEK'S VERDICT
Will Ferrell was found NOT GUILTY of all charges in last week's trial, with an overwhelming majority of the jury saying he doesn't belong in Movie Jail. Jury members said although not all of Mr. Ferrell's movies have been winners, he's still is one of the funniest actors working today, and that they would take him over the likes of Adam Sandler or Mike Myers.
GUILTY Adam Sandler, Eddie Murphy, Vince Vaughn, Tim Burton, The Farrelly Brothers, Michael Bay, Jessica Alba, Ice Cube, Gerard Butler, Halle Berry, Marlon Wayans, Julia Roberts, M. Night Shyamalan , Katherine Heigl , Cuba Gooding, Jr., Tyler Perry, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Ashton Kutcher, Happy Madison Productions, Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Willis, Paul W.S. Anderson, Matthew Broderick, Sarah Jessica Parker, Brett Ratner, Rob Cohen, Renee Zellweger, Shia LaBeouf, Renny Harlin, Diane Keaton, McG, Demi Moore, King Joffrey (Game of Thrones Special), David Spade, Spike Lee, Kevin James, Joel Schumacher, Ehren Kruger, Chris Rock, Mark Steven Johnson, Mickey Rourke, Ashley Judd, Uma Thurman, Josh Duhamel, Saw Franchise (Halloween Edition), Zach Braff, Sam Worthington, Melissa McCarthy, The Wachowski Siblings, Kate Bosworth, Garry Marshall, David Goyer, Akiva Goldsman, Avi Arad, Damon Lindelof, Hayden Christensen, Dennis Dugan, Sharon Stone, Jessica Biel, Nick Swardson, Simon Kinberg, Alex & Stephen Kendrick, Eli Roth, Paranormal Activity Franchise (Halloween Edition), Kevin Hart
NOT GUILTY Robert De Niro, Val Kilmer, Nic Cage, John Travolta, Oliver Stone, Ben Stiller, Jim Carrey, Wes Craven, Matthew McConaughey, Robert Rodriguez, Kristen Stewart, Roland Emmerich, Kevin Costner, Sandra Bullock, Hilary Swank, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Kevin Smith, Channing Tatum, Jennifer Aniston, Owen Wilson, Anna Faris, Robin Williams, Charlize Theron, Ray Liotta, Jason Statham, Paul Walker, Will Smith, Salma Hayek, Michael Cera, Johnny Depp, Ryan Reynolds, Milla Jovovich, John Singleton, Jon Voight, Jack Black, Brian De Palma, Jerry Bruckheimer, Nicole Kidman, Justin Timberlake, Freddy Krueger (Halloween Edition), Johnny Knoxville, Orlando Bloom, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Dan Aykroyd, Sylvester Stallone, Gavin Hood, Jason Lee, Jennifer Garner, Carrie-Anne Moss, Kate Beckinsale, John Cusack, Chris Columbus, Clive Owen, Terrence Howard, Andrew Niccol, Drew Barrymore, Steve Martin, Joel Silver, Michelle Rodriguez, Kiefer Sutherland, Dario Argento, Susan Sarandon, Dennis Quaid, Rob Reiner, Gwyneth Paltrow, Mel Gibson, Pierce Brosnan, Roberto Orci & Alex Kurtzman, Ivan Reitman, Stephen Sommers, Shawn Levy, Jai Courtney, Ridley Scott, Peter Jackson, Jamie Foxx, Luc Besson, Jason Reitman, Mila Kunis, Jennifer Connelly, Sienna Miller, Ben Barnes, Simon West, Len Wiseman, Brendan Fraser, Megan Fox, Neal McDonough, Cameron Crowe, Katie Holmes, Elijah Wood, Tarsem Singh, Reese Witherspoon, Burt Reynolds, Ed Helms, Sean Astin, Michael Polish, Kelsey Grammer, Queen Latifah, Mark Wahlberg, Vin Diesel, Barry Levinson, Aaron Eckhart, Luke Wilson, Martin Campbell, Blumhouse Productions, Tim Allen, Justin Long, Will Ferrell
UPDATES: Robert De Niro, Nicolas Cage and Roland Emmerich, Jim Carrey, Robert Rodriguez and Gerard Butler, Jessica Alba, Julia Roberts and The Farrelly Brothers, Ben Stiller, Tim Burton and Shia LaBeouf, Johnny Depp, Kevin Smith & Chris Rock, Ice Cube, Owen Wilson & Vince Vaughn
|Extra Tidbit:||Who should stand trial next week? Share your suggestions for actors, directors and writers below with your verdict!|